Boost your mood

You already know by now that I am not a big fan of getting on the happiness treadmill, chasing one pleasure after another and never feeling satisfied because we get used to it through hedonic adaptation. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know that I believe melancholy and pessimism do play an important role in our lives. However, in these trying times, it’s good to know how to boost our mood and build resilience – and make sure we do it in a good amount.

Here are some tips I’ve collected from various talks, the Yale course The Science of well-being and my own experience.Some of these you may already know, but sometimes we all need a reminder.

• Focus on what you can control or change and accept the rest: in each situation, there are some parts where we can intervene and others that lie beyond our control. For example, we are not sure how long the restrictions or teleworking will last due to coronavirus, but we can create a healthy daily routine or make plans for local travel. Equally, it is important to always have a sense of agency and set boundaries in your life and relationships early on so you feel you are respected and in control. Otherwise, frustration will build up in time.
• Practice visualisation: picture your future in a positive light and try to describe it in as much detail as possible. What will you be doing in your post-COVID life? Try to see how you would feel by being in that ideal situation. Martin Seligman thinks we make an error when we believe that we are pushed by our past instead of being pulled by our future, so how we imagine that our lives will be. Find goals and things to look forward to.
• Nurture social connection and belonging: countless studies have shown that we need other people and it is our relationships which determine how long we live and how satisfied we are with our lives. We are a social animal, after all, Aristotle was right. We need to develop a sense of belonging, of a safe space where we can find security, which gives us enough strength to move mountains. If you are close to your family, stay in touch, even virtually. Make time for your friends, show vulnerability, relate beyond weather conversations or analysis of external events. How do you feel? What do you need? New connections, if authentic, can be just as powerful: try it for yourself during the connection meet-ups I organise on Connection Weavers. I find cuddling cute animals also helps 🙂
• Cultivate a growth mindset and self-compassion: I am both a masterpiece and a work in progress. If I need to work on something more, that’s ok, I am not there yet. Life is about learning and trying several times. Learning new things and getting better and better at it builds excitement and self-confidence.
• Feel the fear and do it anyway: this is also closely linked to having a growth mindset, but one where you constantly not only grow, but challenge your fears. There is immense pride when you have managed to overcome something that has been holding you back for years, and equally there is immense defeat when you never leave your comfort zone. Often we regret most what we haven’t done than the things we did. We need to strike the right balance between moments of comfort and security and those of experimentation.
• Value your present and create meaning: it helps to place your life in the greatest scheme of things and think how you are contributing to the greater good by what you are doing, who cherishes your presence or relies on you, what is your greater purpose and how things in your life have all worked together to get you nearer to it. Equally, negative visualisation also makes us realise our contribution to the lives of others by imagining what things would be like without us – or without someone. Dr Michael Steger from the University of Colorado believes we create meaning in three ways: by feeling our life is good and worthwhile, by transcendence – that we contribute to something, and by understanding our life or having a coherent life story.
• Practice gratitude: what are you thankful for, including small things like sunshine. You could keep a journal, have a gratitude board, tree or a jar. On the days you are running dry and feeling low, you could take out one piece of paper to remind yourself that life is beautiful. Equally powerful, if not even more, is writing a gratitude letter to someone and then paying them a gratitude visit, where you express your feelings.
• Acknowledge privilege: closely linked to the previous point, think of how your life would have been if you didn’t have what you already have. I recently read more about white privilege and realised everything I was taking for granted by being white and that other ethnicities do not benefit from like me. And avoid comparing your situation with others. We are all different.
• Savour moments: by being in the present, sharing them, focusing on physical sensations. To enhance the intensity, imagine this is the last day you have something. Get lost in routines, just be.
• Practice acts of kindness: and think of them occasionally, like helping out a friend who is moving or buying something to eat for the homeless person you pass by every day.
• Invest in experiences than material purchases: learn a new skill, try out a new hobby than just buy a dress. It will make you so much happier and keep your brain switched on.
• Concretely re-experience the past: how it was before you got what you wanted, how bad you wanted what you currently have. Also replay happy memories.
• Interrupt good times: studies show that our happiness levels increase if we stop a pleasant event mid-through than if we just keep it going until the end uninterruptedly. Similarly if we take breaks.
• Catch your negative thoughts: say stop when you catch yourself thinking something negative, when your saboteurs come in, and replace them with positive affirmations about yourself, supported by examples of situations. Choose to be happy – not much to gain from being negative, just extra wrinkles, as my friend Julie would say.
• Use your character strengths: everyone enjoys when they get a sense that they are good at what they are doing and appreciated. Your job could turn into a calling the more signature strengths you use. To see which ones you have, take the free VIA survey on character strengths.
• Practise time affluence: prioritise what is important for you and get it done so that you feel you are not rushing through life but have time to do what you love, but also have enough time for dolce far niente (doing absolutely nothing at all).
• Choose jobs where you can achieve flow: where you do not feel like you are working and time passes unnoticed.
• Meditate: also to control mind wandering which occurs about 47% of the time according to research. Many meditation apps or free guided meditations out there. Meditation in nature in complete silence does wonders.
• Exercise and reconnect with nature: at least 30 minutes a day. It also improves brain function. I’ve cycled more during lockdown than during my whole life. Long forest walks and dancing also recharge my batteries.
• Get enough sleep: gives you a cognitive boost and lets your learning sink in.

Mix and match these techniques to keep in good spirits. How do you boost your mood?