Attachment (unavailable)

I’m sure you’ve experienced the frustration of trying to open an email attachment just to get a message saying ‘Attachment unavailable’. Similarly, it’s just as frustrating to interact with people who refuse to ‘download’ – feelings, emotions, thoughts, attachment.

As we interact with more and more people (too many), instead of widening our world, we realise it’s shrinking. Their emotional availability is limited. People looking for no-strings-attached types of relationships, hollow shapes. What happened to getting to know people? Others just passing by: you were both in the same place at a certain stage of your life, not long enough to develop anything meaningful. Empty conversations. Platitudes. How many people can you actually fully care about? How many shoes can you actually fit in before your feet start to stink? Caring depletes energy. Believe it or not, there is such a thing as emotional wear. How many people will you click with? 

I’ve been working with refugees for two months now. I did a puzzle with a sweet little girl and the next time she came running to me and gave me an instant hug. I colored bunnies with another girl and the next time she saw me I could tell she was happy I came and specifically asked me to play with her. There’s this half sweet, half aggressive kid who jumped on me and climbed my leg like a monkey when he saw me again without me even realising. At what point in our lives do we unlearn instant attachment? At what point in our lives does something traumatic happen that breaks that initial innocence? I’m worried about these refugee kids who get attached so easily to volunteers who come and go at such a fast rate. Bonding and attachment (to mother/parents, caregivers, pets, friends etc) at a very early stage affect social skills, mental balance and many other areas of your adult life. How long before their affection dries out and separation anxiety sets in, turning them into numb souls? At what point in our lives do we discover personal space? At what point in our lives are we told it’s not ok to get attached? That showing attachment and affection is a sign of weakness. No strings attached as they like to call it. Play hard to get.

Then the wall comes up and you yourself no longer seek true connections. No expectations. As you learn this, you have less emotions for the things you get involved in, the people you interact with, the places you go. People begin to matter only as long as they fit in the greater scheme of things leading to the fulfilment of our potential. After all, isn’t that why we are here? No(t only)! What’s life without attachment, without a sense of belonging?

Ever since then it’s been a lonely place.